Reflection: Path to Freedom

Reflection: Path to Freedom

Reflection Questions

What does it mean to be a person?

What does a worthwhile future look like? What am I doing to achieve that future for myself?

What is the theme in my life and what is my role?

What is the purpose of my actions?

Which thoughts and feelings cause me stress?  How do I cope with stress?  Does that hurt me or help me?  What can I be doing differently?

What is the difference between a victim and a survivor?

How do I remove “would”, “could”, and “should” from my vocabulary?

Why is it difficult for me to be present?  What am I avoiding?

How can I appreciate myself and care for myself more?

What does good health look like?  What am I doing to be healthy?

How can I be understanding and compassionate toward myself and others?

What are boundaries and how do I establish and maintain them?

What are some warning signs that I am falling back into old habits?  What keeps me motivated to continue moving forward?
What ideas hold me back and how do I let go of them?

Where do I put my energy and does it benefit me?

Who Do I surround myself with?  Do they build me up or tear me down?

What do I need more of in my life?  What do I need less of?

What is something I would like to learn how to do?  What am I doing to learn it?



Mechanics of an Ailing Society

Mechanics of an Ailing Society

The underlying mechanics of our society are such:

Constituents are viewed and treated as streams of revenue; their labor and time are exploited at a great personal cost, and the resulting disease and disorder are further exploited for capital gains.

People are easily steered by politicians, media, big business, and anyone who has authority (police, doctors, educators, family, peers, church/temple/mosque, celebrities, etc.)

One group of “elected officials” make a “bipartisan effort” and run the departments of labor, education, public health and safety, social services, environmental protection, food and drug administration, AND has failed society in every department.

It’s quite the feat. I wonder what individuals will do to take more responsibility for society’s wellbeing, seeing as how we need to protect ourselves from those who are supposed to protect us.

Diagnosis by Prescription

Diagnosis by Prescription

This is an all too common story in the US.

When I was very young, some things happened to me that were beyond my control.  It robbed me of my joy and sense of self.  My mom was self-consumed.  She would rather be in a daze than be present with family.  She would rather be passive and irresponsible than be an adult.  When I continued to suffer from her bad life choices, I could not bare to be at home.  That is when I began running away.  I don’t think thirteen year olds run away from home for no reason.  It is really a shame no one bothered to get to the bottom of it, as I was just an ignorant child responding to a bad situation.

I was institutionalized after I ran away from home the first time and placed on three medications which led to me falling down a flight of stairs in high school, because I could barely stay awake.  I was taken off the medication and I continued to suffer at home.  I ran away a second time and was institutionalized again.  I was diagnosed with depression and put on an SSRI called Zoloft.

From there, I walked a path through Hell.  The side effects of Zoloft led to what is termed “diagnosis by prescription” where they began treating me for the side effects caused by the drugs they prescribed me.  Let that sink in for a moment.  I was given drugs by a professional, which I reacted poorly to, and then prescribed more drugs.

The diagnosis was changed to Bipolar Disorder and I was put on mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics.  At one point, I was on 11 different psychiatric medications PER DAY.  I was drugged so much that they were considering changing my diagnosis to schizoaffective disorder.  At 15 years of age, I had been convinced that my brain was broken, and that these drugs with horrible side effects were going to make me feel better.

I was spending weeks, even months at a time in these “mental health” facilities.  I had gained 80 lbs in five months, my hair was falling out, I couldn’t wake up to pee sometimes, I could barely focus to hold a conversation or be present in the moment.  I was numbed into absolute submission and it nearly broke me.

To make matters worse, there was one extended period of time at a mental health hospital where an attendant delighted in calling code greens on me every morning that he worked.  I couldn’t wake up fully at 6:45 AM because of how overmedicated I was, so his response was to call a code green in which the employees gathered to drag me out of bed, pin me to the floor, give me two injections, drag me into the seclusion room and strap me to the bed where I would be left for hours.  Because I was sedated, and couldn’t wake up fully, they sedated me more and restrained me.  Does that make any sense at all?

After years of abuse in these institutions, I have a difficult time being around people.  I have nightmares of being chased, tackled, tied down, and so on. When I am stressed and sleepless, it triggers depression and anxiety, which worsens IBS and migraines.   If you don’t understand how much experience has an impact on existence, then I don’t know what else to say.

I have radically altered my lifestyle to facilitate healing.  I am eating whole foods and staying away from processed junk.  I am moving my body more in order to own it.  I am reading more and watching less TV.  It is important for us all to be able to own ourselves, and to hold ourselves accountable from this day forward.

The details of the past are irrelevant other than to give some context.  What matters is the present moment and going forward in the name of progress.  I do what I am able to do and I challenge myself to do more.

There is only one path and you walk it every day.  Make it count.


It Doesn’t Have To Be a No Win Situation

As far as I can see, the United States has entered into the No Win Situation of the century. 

Trump is picking who he wants in the White House, and as expected, he is picking people with special interests.

Clinton won the popular vote, and in December, the electorate has the chance to choose her instead of Trump. Afterall, they exist to prevent the rise of someone like Trump.

However, if she is chosen, Trump will play the “it’s rigged” card. Of course, Clinton is owned by Wall Street, so she isn’t the right leader for us. 

If Trump goes to the White house and brings in all of his buddies, I guarantee we will go backwards as a society.

I am looking at us as a society and I see similarities between us and an addict.

An addict can quit whenever they are ready to put in the effort to change their lifestyle. It isn’t the drug or the action they are addicted to (psychologically speaking, drugs can be physically addictive), it is the idea behind it.

The idea of being unwell or incapable. The idea that the situation will never change. The idea that you are powerless to change.

What will our rock bottom be? How unbearable must our lives be before we take responsibility for ourselves?

Politically, we are entering a No Win Situation. But that doesn’t mean you must be complacent. That doesn’t mean all hope is lost.

Claim your birthright to be yourself, to take care of yourself, to express yourself, without second guessing. Put goodness into the world, we need it.

There is no point in being angry with anyone for the situation we find ourselves in, though if you are, it is understandable. Don’t let the media poison your mind.  Love thy neighbor.

If we are to correct our behavior as a society, it starts with people like you and me.

Don’t Despair

In the United States, the situation is scary right now.

What will it take to wake up Americans? 

Do we need someone like Hitler to be the catalyst for change? Do we need to be submerged in more debt incurred by an inept government who works for Big Business?

I don’t have the answer for that, but we’ll know soon enough.

What I can say, is, people are angry. 

There’s this tension surrounding the desire and need to change.

Are we ready for change? 

Things will be changing, one way or another, and it is in everyone’s best interest to take a deep breath and remember: we are in this together.

This isn’t Us verses Them. This is about us choosing the future we want for ourselves.

This is about acknowledging our roles as co-creators and taking the initiative to be well and do well.

We can choose to keep passing this responsibility to those who would abuse us, or we can take ownership and be a better society.

Nothing is set in stone.

Facing the Truth


Facing the truth can be difficult.  I speak from experience.

You and I did not choose to have the complications in life that we have, but we have chosen how we respond to our circumstances.

You and I did not choose to be born into a society with a corrupt and failing political system, but here we are.

How do we handle this?

I have loved ones who support Mrs. Clinton, loved ones who support Mr. Trump, and loved ones who see our actual choice: A criminal or a criminal.

They both lie.  They both steal.  They both say what they need to say in order to appeal to their intended audience.  They both could be in prison after this election is over.

There are people facepalming themselves across the world, going, what the fuck?

Big businesses own our government.  The leaders they are proposing ARE UTTERLY RIDICULOUS and should not even be considered for the job of HEADING OUR NATION.

Having a criminal record or impending investigations typically disqualify people from getting jobs, getting loans, and getting financial aid for college, so why on earth would we consider electing EITHER of them?

I would wager that political tensions have not been this high in the United States since the South wanted to leave the U.S.A.

Ask yourselves, who would profit from a civil war?

The military-industrial-complex would benefit after Marshall Law is declared.  Private prison companies will benefit.  Paramilitary companies would profit.  The steel industry.

Then as we build ourselves back up, the major construction companies would profit hugely.  Textiles, mass food production.

Is that what you want?  Do you want us to tear ourselves apart, suffer needlessly, so big companies can profit off of our pain and suffering?

I imagine a society where a board of educators, social workers, psychologists, engineers, scientists, and medical doctors work together to identify social ills, infrastructure issues, through observation, to make decisions based on evidence and compassion.

I imagine a society with laws and consequences based on evidence and compassion.  A society which encourages curiosity, autonomy, responsibility, and respect.

Can you imagine that? A society which lives well and doesn’t exploit others to do so.  Wow.  Such a novel concept.

But look at our current reality in the United States:

The two party system is literally designed to divide and conquer, and it has worked perfectly in many countries for countless years.  Society is aware that there is something wrong, but is not sure what to do about it.

If we choose to elect either criminal for president, we will deserve whatever happens to us.  If we choose to act on behalf of ourselves, just think of the possibilities.

The truth is, our system has been broken for decades, but technology has exposed it for what it is.  It is a lot to handle.

The good news is this: We can choose to hold ourselves, the government, and big business accountable whenever we are ready.

Don’t be angry, be responsible.

We are all co-creators of our reality.  Choose to live the life you want, not the one that is forced on you.