Formless

Formless

There’s this pull, inward, upward, and outward. Suspended between All Things, I look through the ceiling at the deep, dark night sky. As I soar through the heavens, a bright light emanates from my lower visual field. It has the brightness of a sun and it forms a halo around my vision. I look down and can still see my body. Blue light flows out of the fingers and the heart opens, white light pouring out until it is all I can see.

I let go of what I think happened in my life and embrace What Is In My Life Now. Leaving behind the armor, now just a shell, I step lightly toward Knowing Myself and My Reality. The reflection in the Mirror has gone, because I am Formless.

Advertisements

What’s In A Name?

What’s In A Name?

Why are names important?

A name is not just a word. It is an expression. It represents a person, place, or thing.

All three have a story and an energy.

All three have a purpose – the storyteller, the setting or circumstances, and the means through which to live the story.

The Three F’s and Their Impact

Screenshot_20180710-233019_Chrome

The Three F’s and Their Impact

Amygdala – The amygdala is the almond shaped part of the brain which is responsible for basic emotions such as fear.

Autonomic Nervous System – This is the part of the nervous system which affects unconscious bodily functions such as temperature, digestion, breathing, and heart rate.

Dissociation – The state of being disconnected.

Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis or HPA Axis – The hypothalamus and pituitary glands are located in your brain and your adrenals are located on the kidneys.  Together, these structures regulate your response to stress.

Intuition – The ability to understand something immediately, without need for conscious reasoning.

The Three F’s — Everyone has heard of the concept of fight or flight, but there is a third option: freeze.

When a person is in a situation in which they feel imminent danger, and they know they cannot escape (flight) or overpower (fight) in order to defend themselves, they instead, freeze.

This means the person does not know what to do, so they are just paralyzed with fear: like a deer in headlights.  This is a natural response and is nothing to feel ashamed about.

In nature, most mammals that experience the freeze reaction are able to reset themselves through their autonomic nervous system (ANS).  However, in cases of chronic distress or repeated traumas, the ANS is unable to reset and the freeze behavior becomes ingrained.

This chronic fear based response manifests itself psychologically, physically, and behaviorally.

psychosomaticbody

All of these symptoms and feelings are enough to make a person want or need to dissociate.

Dissociation can create a barrier to experiencing the pain and the feelings within the mind and body.  It is a coping mechanism.

What are some things that can be done to help reconnect to the mind and body?

Mindfulness.

Body: Whenever you think of it, just notice your posture.  How are you standing or sitting?  Are you leaning or slumped?  How does the alignment of your back feel?  Are your muscles tight or sore?  How does your stomach feel?  How do your joints and feet feel?  Is your jaw sore or tight?  Are you hungry or thirsty?  Are you tired?  Are you restless?  Do you need to stretch or move around?  Listen to your body.

Mind: What are you thinking about right now?  What emotions do your thoughts and observations bring up in you?  Are you feeling frustrated with yourself, your situation, or other people?  Are you feeling stuck or hopeless?  Are you dwelling on past events or worrying about the future?  Remember, the only time is the present time.  Deal with what is going on with you in this moment.  You can’t change the past, the future hasn’t happened, but you are in control of what you are doing in this moment.  Notice the recurring thoughts, feelings, and themes in your life.  What does your pattern tell you?

Your Mind and Body have intuition, and although many of us have learned to ignore that intuition, it can be relearned through practice.  Listening to your intuition about what your mind and body needs will facilitate healing.

Grounding Techniques – Sometimes, due to how we feel, it can be difficult to stay present! Here are some methods of grounding:

  • Carry a stone, crystal, guitar pick, or other small trinket that you can fit in your pocket or purse, to look at and feel whenever you need to
  • Wear a ring, bracelet, or necklace which you can twist, tug on, or feel as needed
  • Identify 4 colors around you, 3 sounds, 2 smells, and 1 thing you are grateful for in the moment
  • Focus on your breath
  • Focus on specific muscle groups, tightening them for a few seconds and slowly releasing them

Gratitude – Every time you feel upset, angry, frustrated, or hopeless, (acknowledge those feelings and know your feelings are valid) and balance it by finding something you are grateful for.

Being Conscious For Evolution

Being Conscious For Evolution

There are times when I want to reach out and there are times I want to recoil.

This is Natural, as I am constantly adapting to whatever is in my Awareness.

Being less ingrained in the past allows Presence to guide thoughts and behavior in the desired direction.

Acknowledging possible outcomes but not being limited by them, allows Focus on taking action on Behalf of myself, which is essential to Evolution.

Reflection: Path to Freedom

Reflection: Path to Freedom

Reflection Questions

What does it mean to be a person?

What does a worthwhile future look like? What am I doing to achieve that future for myself?

What is the theme in my life and what is my role?

What is the purpose of my actions?

Which thoughts and feelings cause me stress?  How do I cope with stress?  Does that hurt me or help me?  What can I be doing differently?

What is the difference between a victim and a survivor?

How do I remove “would”, “could”, and “should” from my vocabulary?

Why is it difficult for me to be present?  What am I avoiding?

How can I appreciate myself and care for myself more?

What does good health look like?  What am I doing to be healthy?

How can I be understanding and compassionate toward myself and others?

What are boundaries and how do I establish and maintain them?

What are some warning signs that I am falling back into old habits?  What keeps me motivated to continue moving forward?
What ideas hold me back and how do I let go of them?

Where do I put my energy and does it benefit me?

Who Do I surround myself with?  Do they build me up or tear me down?

What do I need more of in my life?  What do I need less of?

What is something I would like to learn how to do?  What am I doing to learn it?

revpeop.jpg

Mechanics of an Ailing Society

Mechanics of an Ailing Society

The underlying mechanics of our society are such:

Constituents are viewed and treated as streams of revenue; their labor and time are exploited at a great personal cost, and the resulting disease and disorder are further exploited for capital gains.

People are easily steered by politicians, media, big business, and anyone who has authority (police, doctors, educators, family, peers, church/temple/mosque, celebrities, etc.)

One group of “elected officials” make a “bipartisan effort” and run the departments of labor, education, public health and safety, social services, environmental protection, food and drug administration, AND has failed society in every department.

It’s quite the feat. I wonder what individuals will do to take more responsibility for society’s wellbeing, seeing as how we need to protect ourselves from those who are supposed to protect us.

Diagnosis by Prescription

Diagnosis by Prescription

This is an all too common story in the US.

When I was very young, some things happened to me that were beyond my control.  It robbed me of my joy and sense of self.  My mom was self-consumed.  She would rather be in a daze than be present with family.  She would rather be passive and irresponsible than be an adult.  When I continued to suffer from her bad life choices, I could not bare to be at home.  That is when I began running away.  I don’t think thirteen year olds run away from home for no reason.  It is really a shame no one bothered to get to the bottom of it, as I was just an ignorant child responding to a bad situation.

I was institutionalized after I ran away from home the first time and placed on three medications which led to me falling down a flight of stairs in high school, because I could barely stay awake.  I was taken off the medication and I continued to suffer at home.  I ran away a second time and was institutionalized again.  I was diagnosed with depression and put on an SSRI called Zoloft.

From there, I walked a path through Hell.  The side effects of Zoloft led to what is termed “diagnosis by prescription” where they began treating me for the side effects caused by the drugs they prescribed me.  Let that sink in for a moment.  I was given drugs by a professional, which I reacted poorly to, and then prescribed more drugs.

The diagnosis was changed to Bipolar Disorder and I was put on mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics.  At one point, I was on 11 different psychiatric medications PER DAY.  I was drugged so much that they were considering changing my diagnosis to schizoaffective disorder.  At 15 years of age, I had been convinced that my brain was broken, and that these drugs with horrible side effects were going to make me feel better.

I was spending weeks, even months at a time in these “mental health” facilities.  I had gained 80 lbs in five months, my hair was falling out, I couldn’t wake up to pee sometimes, I could barely focus to hold a conversation or be present in the moment.  I was numbed into absolute submission and it nearly broke me.

To make matters worse, there was one extended period of time at a mental health hospital where an attendant delighted in calling code greens on me every morning that he worked.  I couldn’t wake up fully at 6:45 AM because of how overmedicated I was, so his response was to call a code green in which the employees gathered to drag me out of bed, pin me to the floor, give me two injections, drag me into the seclusion room and strap me to the bed where I would be left for hours.  Because I was sedated, and couldn’t wake up fully, they sedated me more and restrained me.  Does that make any sense at all?

After years of abuse in these institutions, I have a difficult time being around people.  I have nightmares of being chased, tackled, tied down, and so on. When I am stressed and sleepless, it triggers depression and anxiety, which worsens IBS and migraines.   If you don’t understand how much experience has an impact on existence, then I don’t know what else to say.

I have radically altered my lifestyle to facilitate healing.  I am eating whole foods and staying away from processed junk.  I am moving my body more in order to own it.  I am reading more and watching less TV.  It is important for us all to be able to own ourselves, and to hold ourselves accountable from this day forward.

The details of the past are irrelevant other than to give some context.  What matters is the present moment and going forward in the name of progress.  I do what I am able to do and I challenge myself to do more.

There is only one path and you walk it every day.  Make it count.