I have been spending more time with my grandfather lately.
I am witnessing a man realizing his own mortality and he has so much fear and sadness.
He has become smaller in stature, slower in pace, an accumulation of grief and rage over 79 years. Regrets. Feelings of not belonging, of rejection by family.
I’ve been frustrated the past several months, because I don’t seem to know what to say to help him feel better. His lashing out at others and saying inappropriate things is nothing new, but for some reason it deeply bothers me more than ever.
I want to see him value the people who make an effort to be a part of his life, not gripe and be belligerent. I want to see him have peace so that peace can extend to others.
A couple of people have mentioned my grandmother lately and how I remind him of her. So I was thinking of asking him, if she were here right now, what is it he would want to say to her. Maybe he can find some closure by unburdening.