Hashing Out Anger

I’ve had a lot of anger toward someone in my life for a long time now. 

There are plenty of legitimate reasons to be angry.

I am tired of seething with hatred whenever I am in the same room with them, so I need to really look at what is going on.

I feel angry that she takes me and everyone else in her life for granted. I resent that she uses people to get what she needs. I feel I have been and continue to be exploited by her. I am angry that even when I do well for myself, that she has to taint everything by accusing me of eating disorders and mental issues, when I am just making a conscious effort to be well. She assumes my isolation is a symptom of something, when I just need to be away from her and people like her. 

I’m an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Everything that she stands for makes me sick.

With that said, I must acknowledge that she is who she is.

Just as I must acknowledge, I am who I am. I will not compromise myself for her any more because she would never do the same for me. I accept that.

I still just struggle to be in her presence. 

She offends me.

So, I’ll just be offended for now. It is hard not to take offense when she knows what she is doing and she chooses to do it anyway. It makes me cringe and pull away. It is hard to even look at her most of the time.

I think this knowing better also applies to myself (which is why I’ve been making healthier choices and getting my life on track) and also to society (hence my frustration with society’s self-destructive ways) and she is basically the personification of the worst traits in humanity (what I think are the worst traits in myself and others).

Of course I am blowing this out of proportion, as 90% of problems are just in the mind.

I have cause, correlation, and projection covered, so now I need to figure out how to channel that anger into something less destructive: art, writing, exercise, expressions that let the energy out. 

Bottling it up is just unhealthy.

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