This is probably the area I need to work on the most (for right now).
Although my experience with psychiatry has been the bane of my existence for some time, it was a psychiatrist who told me my history was not of someone with mental illness, but rather of someone who is very intelligent and very angry.
At the time, I did not believe him. I was still hooked onto the idea that my brain was broken and I was a lost cause. After all, I had been on more than 40 psychotropic prescriptions at that point, with no relief.
I’ve had more time to experience myself since then, and I agree with him.
I don’t think typically. I think big. And I have a lot to be angry about.
Dealing with anger seems almost like a mystical process to me. I don’t know what to do with it and there’s just so much.
I’ve been working with my fear the last several months, and a part of that is accepting and feeling this anger.
Anger has always provoked fear in me. When I was little, anger meant getting stuffed into a small space where I could scarcely breathe. Anger meant getting joints pulled out of place. And if I were to show my own anger, that was punishable even more so than me just being me.
So, yeah… There’s a strong link between anger and terror for me.
I know my own anger is not like that. But I know that anger has that potential. There’s acknowledgement of both sides.
What are healthy ways to feel and express anger?
I feel like maybe all of those base emotions are the same, in that, I must embrace them. Feel what I feel, and let it out in bursts when I’m on my own.