Letting Go

Over the past few years, I’ve been letting go of a lot of ideas. I let go of the idea of marriage, of what gender is or isn’t, and of the idea that I need to go to graduate school. 

I am finding that more opportunities have come up since I’ve cast aside what should or shouldn’t be and just see things as they are. 

I pay more attention. For example, I have been noticing more body sensations lately. This is highly unusual for me since I am often very distant from my body. However, I’ve been listening to my body more. I see how dietary choices and being more active affects me. I’ve even dropped two pant sizes over the past few months from making better decisions. 

I’ve also noticed that the more I interact with people, the more I feel I must be away from everyone. As an introvert, I am depleted from being around people and I recharge when I am alone. 

There’s this detached compassion: I want to be well and I want others to be well. I help as I am able, but I don’t waste my time with people who aren’t receptive to it. 

There’s this feeling, like I don’t need to be here any more. There’s no need for material things or people–I’d rather be some celestial being drifting through space and time.  I don’t feel compelled to flee my existence any more. 

By letting go of all of these things, I’ve accepted exactly who, how, where, when, what, and why I am. I feel at peace with everything which I am a part of. 

Further more, I am gaining more understanding of my own suffering and even acknowledge the necessity of it in developing who I am. 

Guess we’ll see what happens next. 

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