Sometimes I wonder how much of myself I can actually share with my partner. I told her I have DID and I’ve explained some things, but I don’t want to overshare.
Having DID is like having relationships with myself in some ways. I have to think about what other selves want and don’t want, what is safe, what is good for me as a whole, what triggers different aspects of myself.
It gets confusing just being me and I don’t want to mix anyone up about me. I also don’t like the idea of someone being able to access other parts of me. That feels personal, like it’s just for me. On the other hand, perhaps those other versions of myself want to interact with people too.
Since I’ve been trying to just relax and admit that I really don’t have as much control as I thought, I’ve become more aware. Aware in the sense that I recognize when I’ve been gone now. Aware of getting things done, and processing certain memories.
The more I let go, the more I’m getting a handle on things, even though I feel like my life is out of control. It’s hard to explain, but I think maybe that’s just how life is. I have to let go and see what happens next.
I’ll ask her if she wants to be kept in the loop of my going ons, or if that would be weird. I don’t understand external relationships nearly to the extent as I do my internal ones. I don’t even know if it matters or if she would want to know such things.