Resistance vs Readiness

The last few sessions of therapy have been largely unproductive as far as I can tell. Of course, I don’t really remember the details…I do recall apologizing a lot in the last session. 

I’ve been thinking that maybe it is time for me to move on if there’s nothing left to talk about. Or, at least, it’s time to take a break. 

Another version of myself thinks it’s resistance. All that’s left is to reconnect with my body and to allow my various selves a voice in therapy. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. So that’ll be what I bring up in therapy today. 

The disconnection and resistance to my body is pretty clear. I don’t know why I have trouble giving my voice to others in therapy. I guess…I just feel crazy because I don’t know what I’m going to say and then I don’t remember the conversation afterwards. To me, that feels like a loss of control and that scares me. It’s like my mind and body get hijacked. 

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