Can we talk about mothers for a moment? Mother’s Day was not long ago and I have serious mom issues.
I’m convinced my mother has Munchausen Syndrome. Here is my reasoning:
1. She has addiction problems (has had this since she was a teen and she had me when she was barely 18) and convinced me and my family that I had mental illness when I was 13. I couldn’t handle my home situation anymore. My mom and stepdad resented each other and took out a lot of their frustration on me and blamed me for ruining their marriage.
2. Mom goes to bars and tells her sob story about how terrible her marriage is and what a burden I am to her. As she is failing in life and asking my grandparents for money, she places blame on me. She keeps having me institutionalized so she doesn’t have to deal with me or her marital problems and then uses those hospitalizations to support the idea that I am mentally ill.
3. Presently, she goes out of her way to seem sickly, frail, and mopey. She blows things out of proportion and feigns things like falls. She likes people to feel sorry for her.
4. She is in constant need of attention. If she isn’t getting attention, she picks arguments and makes vague statements to outsiders to get them to probe about the latest problem with stepdad 2.0
5. She blames my symptoms of PTSD on mental illness. She takes no responsibility in how traumatized I am. And she tells other people that I am mentally ill and when I’m having a hard time, she tells people about that too, getting that attention any way she can, even if that means exploiting me even more.
It’s some mish-mash of narcissism, obsessive/compulsive issues, borderline personality, addictive personality. Not to mention her control issues.
1. She controls through food. She always offered me food when I didn’t want or need it, but not when I was hungry. If I eat something she didn’t give me permission to, she gets angry. And if I don’t eat anything she gets angry.
2. I came home to her rummaging through my room one day in high school. She threw away all of things I had collected (sea shells, feathers, crystals and stones, I was studying shamanism), my books, my CDs, my outfits (which were industrial goth), my drawings and creative writing. She basically put my identity into the garbage.
3. I wasn’t allowed to explore other religions or philosophies which weren’t Christian. I wasn’t allowed to buy books about it or check it out from the library. She kept tabs on my internet searches and bookmarks.
4. She made me keep my bedroom door open so she could keep checking on me.
5. If anyone left anything on the table or counter, she would throw it away, even expensive things. Then she would scoop the cat litter box and put that over it.
And that’s not all! When I attempted to tell her about the ongoing rape, she said I was lying and never to talk about it, that I should be ashamed of myself.
I can’t stand to look at her or hear her talk. I feel nauseas in her presence.
How is it that people need a license to drive and to go fishing, but any dipshit with reproductive organs is allowed to have babies?
I understand that being a teen mom is hard. However, there is no excuse to treat me as she did and does. I have no love for this woman and I am okay with that.