Derealization

Derealization is a strange experience.  For me, it’s like I see more layers to reality, which makes it seem like a dream or a painting.  Besides what I see with the naked eye, there’s this layer of ever changing shapes and patterns, a layer of little string type things wiggling around, a layer of what seems like light poles (white sphere with black side) which are very tiny and dart about, and a static layer (these are all inside my mind, like an inner eye, not visual hallucinations).  Needless to say, it’s quite a distraction when my brain is processing so much information.  I only really notice these layers some of the time.

Interestingly, I feel like I can just melt into the entanglement of the background, be part of the environment.  I am one with the stillness and the subtle motions, but abrupt motions disturb me.  i.e. people, insects, cars, etc.  It overwhelms my senses when I feel this way.  Sometimes I wonder if that is a glimpse into the sensory overload that people with autism face daily.  Noises and motions are too much and I need to shut it all out.

I also feel like I don’t really know anyone and they don’t know me.  This makes social activities and relationships difficult for me.  Facial recognition doesn’t come easily to me either.

 

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