Where do suicidal thoughts come from? I think they come from having an experience so bad that death seems like the preferable course of action. How else does suicide ever become an option? For me, this traces back to the feeling of having no escape and having to wait for the unspeakable; it comes from being conscious but unable to move–being crushed and attacked and not able to do a goddamn thing about it. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t cry. At some points I felt nothing at all, not even my breath. It is in this quiet space between feelings, where I felt like no one could hurt me anymore. This is the space I’ve forever claimed as my own.